So much has changed

So much has changed since I started this blog and never got into it.  

My husband graduated from seminary.

He got a full-time ministry job.

We bought our first house.

We had another baby.

Our baby spent 2 weeks in the hospital hooked to a ventilator.

Our baby has a heart defect.

Any one of these changes is a lot to handle, but ALL of the at once?  Wow.   That's a LOT.  Our baby, June, is now almost 6 weeks old and we're home.  But that doesn't mean that I don't check often when I'm not holding her (which I am doing most of the time anyway) to make sure she is breathing and also that she is not blue.  Because she was breathing when she got put on the ventilator.  

Our 'big' kids as I refer to them, are actually still LITTLE kids.  I have to remember that!  J will be 3 in just a month and R is 5 going on 16.  Oh they are so much fun and have me laughing all day long.  Unless I'm fighting the urge to get really upset at them for blatantly NOT listening to me.  Oh kids.  

But we've said long ago that our goal is not to raise complacent children who follow without question.  YES, I do like my kids to do what I ask them to do.  That'd be just splendid.  But that's not my ultimate goal as a parent.  My ultimate goal is to raise happy and confident children who are well-adjusted.  That's a long road.... and takes a lot more than just punishing someone and teaching them how to follow the rules.  

R- she's awesome.  She taught HERSELF how to read and hasn't stopped reading since.  She LOVES books and stories and playing pretend.  She can be SASSY and she can be "miss thang" but she also has this deeply pondering mind that I just love.  She asks the most complex questions for a 5 year old sometimes.  The other day when I was tucking her into bed she looked at me thoughtfully and said "Mom, how did God create something out of nothing?"  How does one answer a question like that?!  I usually turn it over to my theological husband who is better at that kind of stuff.  She's one of those kids who could teach herself anything that she needs to learn.  If I was into it, I think unschooling would work fabulously for her.  She really schools herself.  People probably think I taught her reading, writing and arithmetic (which she also knows... she begged me to write her addition and subtraction problems on a page for her to do for fun once)... but I surely did not.  She loves gymnastics, which is great because she used to be so afraid of going upside down and swinging high.  She also loves dancing, coloring and doing crafts, and doing very large puzzles (we're talking hundreds of pieces!).  She will spend ALL day in our craft room.   I *love* that it's no longer all over the dining room table!  Yay new house.   

J- very different than R and I *love* seeing the differences between 2 kids being raised exactly the same.  J does not care for letters and writing and that kind of stuff.  He likes LEAPING off of high surfaces.  He likes wearing capes.  He likes being a super hero or a firefighter.  The other day he put on a pretend fire fighter hat and when I asked him to help me clean up toys for the night he said "but fire fighters don't clean up toys!!"  (I made it into a game and he was happy to join in.... my evil mommy plan works again!).  He loves playing with matchbox cars.  He plays with his cars like some people play with dolls.  They talk to each other and go on adventures together.  He loves his older sister FIERCELY.  Even when they are fighting, it doesn't take long for them to be playing together again.  And usually one is upset because the other wants to play alone for a little bit.  "BUT I JUST WANT TO PLAY WITH YOU R!!!!"  J is so sensitive to the feelings of himself and others.   Not in a sad way... because he is the biggest bruiser you'll meet.  He usually has at least half a dozen bruises, scrapes or cuts on him at all times and I usually don't hear about them when they happen because he just brushes it off and keeps running/jumping/exploring.  Occasionally if he is REALLY bloody he'll ask for a band-aid.  But he'll be the first one to TELL you when he is grumpy.  When he "just feeling GRUMPY!!!" you'll want to make sure not to look him directly in the eye or ask him any questions.  He just needs his space.  Typical man waking up, right?  I have to try hard to cover my laughing or smiling face when he is bruiting around with his grumpy face or he'll just grump whine at me.  So ridiculously cute.

J2- Our new baby came into the world just magically.  So easy.  My easiest birth (and, actually, my longest birth as well!), even though J1's birth was pretty straightforward and magical as well.... it was short and intense.  She decided she wanted to stay inside me for a good long while too.  She decided she wanted to be born in the caul.  Which means that her water bag never broke and she came out inside of it.  They say that this means that she will have good luck, be blessed, and be intuitive.  I think she has all 3 on her side.  She never really cried when she was born.  She pinked up nicely and was breathing great, but just looking around.  The first time she opened her eyes it was to look at her brother and sister.  And she hasn't stopped looking.  Checking everything out.  During her newborn exam the midwife said she just gazed up at her the whole time.  Taking everything in.  And take it all in she does.   When she was a week and a half old she was taken to Children's hospital and had to be put on a ventilator for some serious pulmonary hypertension as the result of heart defects that had not yet been diagnosed.  She'll need open heart surgery and I just know she has the spunk in her that all us McCoys have.  She'll do great.  I can't wait to see her personality flourish and see how different and how similar she is to her brother and sister.  Who she already knows and loves deeply.... she smiles at them more than she smiles at me.  It warms my heart.  She is such a special girl.

Mama- I've been through a lot lately, but taking every opportunity I can to breathe in my blessings and breathe out anything that doesn't serve me.  I love that visual.  Breathing in the good and breathing out the junk that we all tend to hold onto unnecessarily.  I used to say that a lot in my yoga classes and I'm *sure* once I start teaching again in a few weeks I'll be saying it once again.  It was so lovely to teach yoga until 42 weeks pregnant... I experienced teaching on a whole new deeper level when I was WHERE the mamas were.  I really was able to connect with students and it's so so fun to see them all in baby yoga now... which J2 LOVES and which is SO good for her and her heart!!  Just taking it one moment at  a time and feeling the support and love around me and giving myself grace if my house isn't as clean as it was before J2 or I can't get craft projects together for the big kids like before, or can't take them places....  I'm just happy j1 and r have each other because they get along when I'm just chilling with the babe and for that I am SO grateful.  I like to think they see my heart, wide open for them, and on days when I am not stressed and don't get grumpy at them.... they seem to just play and get along just fine most of the day.  I definitely think parents' moods rub off on their kids.  So I constantly keep mine in check.

That's all for now.  We'll see if I am *actually* back to blogging, or if this was just a passing moment.