Life.... keeps on keeping on.  Despite my frequent Facebook posts and comments, I am actually not near a computer very often.  I have a smart phone now and it's been my lifeline.  I know people probably make fun of how 'connected' I am, but I mostly just stay at home all day every day (like, don't get in a car or leave the house ALL.DAY.LONG.) so Facebook is sort of like my only way to talk to other adults most of the time.  My kids are ridiculously awesome, but sometimes it's nice to talk to others.  And I have really awesome friends who I don't get to see that much because they are busy parenting THEIR children so it's kind of a really good way to feel both normal and connected to my tribe a little bit.

So, when I am pumping or sometimes when I am nursing or when for the few minutes at a time I have nobody that needs me desperately, I am often on my phone.  It's kinda bad though so I am going to try to just take those moments to just BE and not feel the need to connect with others so often.  BUT I still love taking photos of my life so I'll still be on instagram frequently, I'm sure!

June is doing okay.  It's funny... people ask me ALL the time "How is she doing?" and I'm never quite sure what to respond with.  Being the optimist that I try to be I say "fine" or "good!" or maybe it's just because I'm not sure they want to whole shpeil (HOW do you spell that word?!) about her medical stuff.  I'm not lying either because she really IS doing good.  She is meeting milestones (ROLLING like a crazy lady!) 'talking' and interacting with us.  Growing sweeter by the minute, it seems.  She is having a bit of trouble with nursing, but it's just because her congestive heart failure is increasing and so the cardiologist has upped her meds and added one in hopes of getting her to have less symptoms, and I think she is eating more as a result.  Perhaps because she doesn't have to work as hard to nurse?  Not sure, but I am trying to pump as well, since I know she is not taking in a great deal and I don't want to have my supply tank as a result.  But it's pretty hard to find time to pump with 3 small children constantly vying for my attention.  The other day I nursed for a MINUTE and then had to desert my pump on the chair for a few hours.... haha.  I guess a minute is better than NOTHING.

I can't decide when would be better for June's open heart surgery.  Now- as she is over 10lbs and that's good the cardiologist says, or later... her congestive heart failure is increasing, her heart is increasing in size, but the cardiologist says if she is still gaining weight than we wait... do we wait so long that she has another episode that lands her in the hospital and needing EMERGENCY open heart surgery?  Or do it now while she is still doing well.  I really don't know!!  Also a bone to throw into the mix is the fact that my BABY SISTER is getting MARRIED in October.  I want so desperately for us to be able to go to the wedding (BE in the wedding) as a family.  For June to be there with us, for me to go.  If she has her surgery now or in a month will she be ready in time?  Will she be exposed to too many germs?  Or if we wait what if she needs the surgery RIGHT before or DURING the wedding time?  What if we're still in the hospital during it?  Obviously June's health comes first, and my sister totally knows that and understands.  But, maybe it just makes me mad that we have to deal with this at all.  June shouldn't have to go through this crap.  It's a load of "poor us" that I don't do very often.  I know it'll all work out how it is supposed to, but as I tried on my bridesmaid dress yesterday I got a twinge of sadness about the whole situation.... and how we had planned for our cute little baby to come with us, be dressed in a little tutu, have a teenage girl follow me around for the day watching June for us.... maybe it'll still work out like that.  Who knows.

Anyway... there is our little update.  We're actually doing really really well all things considered!!  I'm even doing okay, so far, with Matt being out of state all week!  It *is* only Monday, but I am putting the intention out there for a REALLY GOOD WEEK and it's worked so far.  Bed times have been easier than they normally are for Matt.... the kids must know mama needs it :-)